hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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