the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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