apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
