I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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