Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
