are you still at the devil's house?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
