honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
