I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
