so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
