you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
