I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
