i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
