The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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