My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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