Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
