tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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