I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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