If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize