It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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