oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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