Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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