i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
