He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
ttyl tear gas
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
