I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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