ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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