i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize