just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize