White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize