i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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