...so i touched it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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