You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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