His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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