No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
