I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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