he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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