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take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
