How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
