If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
