do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
