All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
