worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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