I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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