Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
