overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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