Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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