Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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