she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
