Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
