btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
