do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
