this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
