My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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