imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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