Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
