Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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