well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I had to cum in my sink.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
