she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
