she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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