Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
