did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
