just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
