She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize