Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
