Kiss
Puke
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize