return my video game
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
