Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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