I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Less talking, more tequila
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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