I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
