apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
