I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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