Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
