And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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