i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
