on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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