Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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