how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
