Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
