just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude i'm inner monologue high
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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