I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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