is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
