Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
