just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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