At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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