She is in my trunk
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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