..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
