i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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