Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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