Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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