Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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