i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
